After attempted Suicide

After his attempted suicide, he was in the hospital for 2 weeks diagnosed by the Dr. as severely depressed, but the nurses kept telling me he was acting like someone with schizophrenia. I looked it up and sure enough all the symptoms had been there for quite some time. I was accepting at first because I always knew something was wrong with him I just did not know what.

I for some reason thought it would just go away. I guess this is the denial stage. He was put on an anti-depressant and Haldol and sent home. Well less than 2 weeks later he was in the hospital again. The meds just kept him awake. He was on so much more that what I described but I don’t want to go into all of that. He agreed to go back to the hospital that time. This time I cried, seemed like forever. Things that used to be so easy for him were suddenly hard and he couldn’t think. We tried playing checkers and he just couldn’t do it. I did not let him see me cry, but I cried all the way home and then some. My little boy was gone or at least his brain was.

I tried to go on but this was all I could think about. No one understood and I had no one to talk to about it. Eventually he was sent home with a low dose Seriquel and the rest of the cocktail they had him taken.

This is supposed to be about me, but I can’t tell you how I felt until I tell you what he was doing. I just have to say this is one of the hardest things I have ever been through.

The Day the Whole World Changed

Being a mother is the hardest job in the world. They are born and you count ten fingers and toes and they are declared healthy by the Dr and everything is fine…until I started seeing things change for my 22 yr old son. He couldn’t seem to get a job and I constantly heard him talking to himself in his room. I thought someone was there with him. I really thought nothing of it because he would be griping about how the prices were too high and things needed to get better in the world.

One day I got a call from work. He had tried to kill hisself. He survived but the Dr said schizophrenia was suspected. I was devastated. I looked it up on Google and he fit the symptoms exactly. How did I miss it? The guilt…I felt like it was my fault. I was told it was not but I still felt guilty. Did I raise him wrong? No was the answer. It was hereditary. OMG How could this be, my sweet loving little boy was lost in his brain and I could not help him. He spent 2 wks in the hospital and would be fine if he would just take his meds. That proved to be a real big problem. He thought it was poison. He is lost in his head and there is nothing I can do.